I soaked up what was left in my mouth and swallowed the rest. "The point of no return." I thought to myself. Soon I would be on a roller coaster ride through the rivers of my mind. People wouldn't exactly describe me as the type who liked to lose control of myself, but I have my moments where I do like someone, or something for that matter, to take the wheel and let me enjoy the ride for a while. I sat in my chair and stared at my computer monitor. I turned on my program called "Mocha," which is like a digital kaleidoscope full of shifting shapes and color, right in tune to "Aphex Twin," which was what I was listening to. The same activity had induced the effect before on a separate occasion, but this didn't seem to be doing anything. A friend once to me, "Don't be eager to expect anything. Just relax and let it happen." I had many activities set up before hand, so I turned on the television and put on the video. I could not find "The Wizard of Oz,"so I would have to settle with watching "E.T." I decided it would be best to just sit back and make the best of the movie. It was about twenty minutes later that I began to feel a bit light. I felt my whole body losing its weight and felt like I could move my body faster than normal. The feeling ran from my feet to my teeth. My teeth were tingling, almost like that feeling you get when your arm falls asleep. The sensation was euphoric, and every fiber of my existence began to feel soothed and lifted, as if nerves were being massaged. As I focused on the screen, I began to notice small irregularities. The background of where one man was standing appeared to transgress into a face. Elliot, one of the main characters, had his face turn into that of an alien. I seemed to react to the movie a lot more dramatically than usual. My emotions were running high, and I was feeling happier than I had ever felt before. I knew I was alone, and despite the fact I was the only one around, I began blurting out random comments and phrases as if I actually had an audience with me. "Oh my God! Everyone in this movie is an alien!" I yelled out.

As absent-minded as it seems, this was about the point I began to realize that everything was taking effect. And how excited I was! It was like my mind was an amusement park. I had so many things I wanted to try and experience in the short time I had to do it. E.T was more intriguing than it had ever been before, so I attempted to keep focused on that. Soon enough, I began to lose interest in it, so I turned that off and put my music on.

I was once again listening to "Aphex Twin," his music so full of ambiance and repetitiveness. With the headphones on, I laid back in my chair and closed my eyes. It was then that I knew such beautiful images. Every place I had dreamed of seeing existed on the surface of my eyes. I indulged myself in the forest I was seeing, full of green colors and foliage so extravagant that I would never want to leave. I saw myself touching the leaves, their texture unbelievably real. I walked over to the sparkling stream nearby. The sun was beating down on it, giving it this white glare I was so much intrigued by. Every fiber of my existence were singing the praises of the music and the magnificence of the place I was in. I could've sworn I was there for an hour, but upon opening my eyes and observing the time, it had been a mere fifteen minutes.

I could have stayed there the rest of the evening, but I was eager to explore what else I could do. I took out a small mirror and stared deeply into it. This turned out to be something that I would regret. As I watched, I could see my face shift and contort into totally abstract things. I went from a normal person to a face of a grotesque and demonic nature. Staring into my eyes, my pupils were dilated to the point that if I were to ask someone, "What color are my eyes?", they would've said "Black." Watching the morphing take process, my eyes seemed to have those of cats, and little irregularities pitched themselves into an evil phase. My eyebrows became horns, my chin elongated, and my ears got bigger. Why I enjoyed this was something still unknown to me. The appearance was different each time I looked. Never once did my face change into something I have had seen before. I realized what was happening; the fact that I was revealing my true nature and what I see myself as; definitely something I was not meant to see before. What had I done to myself? This was not the same person I remember. This seemed like a bad activity to get into, so I pulled myself from it.

I decided to busy my mind with a strobe light instead. I switched this on and quickly shielded my eyes from the intense light. It was so bright! The light appeared to be brighter than the sun! I watched all the shadows and patterns on the walls. Everything I looked at took on some sort of figure. The shadow on that was once on the wall was suddenly right in front of me and looked like a person. Why did I keep seeing aliens? My mind had this fixation on seeing extraterrestrials, but not like those on E.T. More like the ones you see on those abduction cases with the big eyes and oval heads. I saw so many things that to describe it would take hours. I started flailing my arms, attempting to make it look slow motion. I was quickly mesmerized from the motion trails appearing from my hands, which stretched a few feet and remained there, long after my hand was out of sight.

I took out a piece of paper and a pencil and began to draw some of the things I saw. There were too many images to keep up with, and what I was writing was basically insensible phrases and pictures. My drawings didn't make sense, even to me. My ramblings were series of random words and the alphabet written out a few a times over. It was about this time I noticed something rather odd. The way I constantly heard some kind of background music. Nothing was on, but it sounded like there was a small boombox in the back of my head playing repeated sections off some of my favorite pieces. Clips from Beethoven's 9th symphony and hard guitar riffs from "Slayer" were looped over hundreds of times in my head, only to disappear when I tried to "listen" to the music. Funny that I could only pick it up if I was not paying attention to it.

I walked outside to my deck and looked at the stars. Everything was so beautiful! The trees had a glow around them and appeared to move as if they were being hit by wind. The stars were brighter and slowly shifted their position. The moon was more intense than ever, having a rainbow halo around it, changing its side constantly. I sat back in one of the chairs and looked up at the sky, watching the stars move around and attack each other. Images of sailing ships and floating islands filled my entire field of vision.

I woke up the next morning, still in the same chair I had fallen asleep in. Looking at my watch, it read 12:43 PM. I couldn't believe I had slept that long. I was back in my normal state of mind again. Everything was back to normal. The world "normal" made me think about the evening. It was like a dream, but ten times as powerful with everything actually happening. Whether or not I had just seen things as I wanted to or opened my mind to see things as they really are was puzzling. I guess reality is just what one makes of it.

"Some emotions are so intangible to the concious human mind, words arent enough to describe; but rather one must experience it. Whatever you decide to do, remember: Its better to regret something you have done than it is to regret something you haven´t" -PlastiK ElviS